


Zatanna Zatara has named chat “Help Me, I’m Gay”

by ThatHydrokinetic



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Asexual Dick Grayson, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Snaibsel, Sort Of, almost exactly, asexual zatanna zatara, bc i know what's up, because against all common sense this isn't finished yet, i guess, listen i kid you all not this is based on something that happened to a friend of mine, sports team au, text/chat au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-05 21:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17926865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatHydrokinetic/pseuds/ThatHydrokinetic
Summary: Zatanna Zatara: I don’t even know if she’s gayBarbara Gordon: Do you want me to find out for youZatanna Zatara: N oread 5:35 pmZatanna Zatara: No babs seriously what are you doing





	1. January

_ thebestTM has removed Roy Harper from chat _

_ thebestTM has changed name to “teamcaptain” _

_ teamcaptain has changed the chat name to “Track & Field 2019” _

_ teamcaptain has added Artemis Crock, Zatanna Zatara, M’Gann M’Orzz, Conner Kent to chat _

**_Track & Field 2019 - THU JAN 10, 4:17 pm_ **

**teamcaptain:** hey everyone! here’s the groupchat i was talking about

**Artemis Crock:** Who all is in this?

**teamcaptain:** you, m’gann, z, conner, wally, and kaldur

**theflash:** pour one out 4 roy

**teamcaptain:** press f

**M’Gann M’Orzz** : Oh, but I didn’t think was the whole team?

**teamcaptain:** yeah, these are just the people i got numbers from

**theflash:** he means the people he likes

**teamcaptain:** no, i’m the captain which means i love all my children equally

_ Artemis Crock has changed name to Artemis _

**Artemis:** You’re not even captain

**teamcaptain:** not yet

**theflash:** d we both know your not going 2 get it

_ teamcaptain has removed theflash from the chat _

**teamcaptain:** so now that all traitors have been removed, anyone have any questions?

 

**_[to Dick Grayson] - 4:24 pm_ **

**Wally West:** hey can u add me back to the chat

**Dick Grayson:** no

**Wally West:** pls i need to say something

**Dick Grayson:** fine

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - 4:25 pm_ **

_ teamcaptain has added Wally West to the chat _

**Wally West:** bitch

_ Wally West has left the chat _

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** Wally !!

**Artemis:** Did he really have you add him back just so he could call you a bitch

**teamcaptain:** yeah looks like

_ Kaldur’ahm has added Wally West to the chat _

**Kaldur’ahm:** Please treat each other with respect. We are a team.

**Wally West:** sorry man

_ Wally West has changed name to theflash _

**teamcaptain:** yeah he’s sorry

**theflash:** bro

**teamcaptain:** what

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - 9:46 pm_ **

_ Zatanna Zatara has changed name to z _

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - MON JAN 14, 4:10 pm_ **

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** Congrats, Kaldur!! I heard you got captain!!!

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** And sorry again that I missed today, I had cheer

**Kaldur’ahm:** Thank you, M’Gann

**Artemis:** Yeah, congrats Kaldur!

**theflash:** congrats!

**z:** Congrats!

**theflash:** d i see u

_ teamcaptain has changed name to dg _

**dg:** nah kaldur deserved it

**dg:** i voted for you, man

**dg:** besides we all know the only reason i didn’t get it is because i’m a sophomore

**theflash:** and u have no concept of teamwork, but ok

**dg:** excuse you

**dg:** i know every concept of teamwork

**z:** You know that made no sense, right

**dg:** shhhhhh

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - WED JAN 16, 10:06 pm_ **

**Artemis:** Hey, who has second lunch?

**dg:** wally and i do, we sit by the stairs with some other kids

**M’Gann:** So do I!! I usually sit with the cheer girls though

**Kaldur’ahm:** I do not, I have first lunch.

**z:** I do, but I sit with babs

**theflash:** wait but u sit with us

**z:** No I sit with babs

**theflash:** but she sits with us too

**z:** Your point?

**theflash:** ok rude

**dg:** why a?

**Artemis:** One of my classes got swapped so

**Artemis:** My lunch changed

**z:** You can come sit with babs and I!!

**Artemis:** Cool, thanks

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - 12:06 pm_ **

**z:** Artemis turn around, we’re behind you

**theflash:** sorry i wont be there 2day have to stay late in chem

**dg:** lame

**theflash:** ik

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - 12:18 pm_ **

**dg:** umm call out post for z, flirting with artemis right in front of my salad

**theflash:** ooh in the gc 

**z:** Shut up you wouldn’t know flirting if it slapped you in the face

**dg:** would too

**z:** From experience? No you wouldn’t

**theflash:** kinky

_ dg has removed theflash from the chat _

**Artemis:** Thank you

**dg:** just doing my civic duty

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - 1:16 pm_ **

_ Kaldur’ahm has added Wally West to the chat _

_ Wally West has changed name to theflash _

 

**_[to Dick Grayson] - 5:32 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Was I really being flirty earlier

**Dick Grayson:** what do you mean

**Zatanna Zatara:** At lunch

**Zatanna Zatara:** With Artemis

**Dick Grayson:** defo

 

**_[to Barbara Gordon] - 5:32 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Was I really being flirty earlier

**Barbara Gordon:** At lunch ?

**Zatanna Zatara:** Yeah

**Barbara Gordon:** i mean, did you mean to be?

**Zatanna Zatara:** Maybe? Idk

**Zatanna Zatara:** I think either way I just want to be friends rn

**Zatanna Zatara:** I don’t even know if she’s gay

**Barbara Gordon:** Do you want me to find out for you

**Zatanna Zatara:** N o

_ read 5:35 pm _

**Zatanna Zatara:** No babs seriously what are you doing

**Zatanna Zatara:** Is2g if you ask her or smth

_ read 5:42 pm _

**Zatanna Zatara:** Seriously 

**Zatanna Zatara:** B a b s

**Barbara Gordon:** So after a thorough internet search, i have inconclusive evidence

**Zatanna Zatara:** Meaning??

**Barbara Gordon:** Idk if she’s gay, she doesn’t have any strong indicators either way

**Barbara Gordon:** Like, her facebook says she’s had a boyfriend before, but she follows both hayley kiyoko and lauren jauregui on spotify

**Barbara Gordon:** So like, could be bi, could have had a beard before, could just have good taste in music

**Barbara Gordon:** Inconclusive

**Zatanna Zatara:** So what should I do??

**Barbara Gordon:** Well do you want to date her??

**Zatanna Zatara:** Idk!

**Zatanna Zatara:** Not yet, I don’t think

**Zatanna Zatara:** I do want to be friends tho

**Barbara Gordon:** Tell her that then, coward

 

**_[to Artemis Crock] - 5:53 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Sorry abt Dick earlier, that was weird

**Artemis Crock:** What was

**Zatanna Zatara:** Saying that in the gc

**Artemis Crock:** Oh

**Artemis Crock:** Yeah, it’s no big deal

**Artemis Crock:** If he’s anything like Wally he was probably just doing it to get attention

**Zatanna Zatara:** Yeah they’re definitely friends for a reason lol

**Zatanna Zatara:** But I wasn’t rly trying to be flirty

**Artemis Crock:** Yeah me neither, in case it came off that way

**Zatanna Zatara:** Yeah this is more of a squish thing than a crush thing

**Artemis Crock:** Squish?

 

**_[to Barbara Gordon] - 6:11 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Oh shit tfw you accidentally out yourself

**Barbara Gordon:** What ??

 

**_[to Artemis Crock] - 6:12 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Yeah, like a platonic crush

**Artemis Crock:** Oh, makes sense

 

**_[to Barbara Gordon] - 6:12 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Okay okay we’re good we’re fine

**Barbara Gordon:** If you don’t send me updates

_ Zatanna Zatara has sent a picture _

_ Zatanna Zatara has sent a picture _

**Barbara Gordon:** Oh okay so that’s fine

**Barbara Gordon:** Bold of you to just say it

**Zatanna Zatara:** Yeah ik I don’t know I was possessed or smth

**Barbara Gordon:** By a ghost tired of you only having two friends

**Zatanna Zatara:** Oof

 

**_[to Zatanna Zatara] - 6:16 pm_ **

**Artemis Crock:** See you tomorrow at lunch?

**Zatanna Zatara:** Yep! See you then

 

**_[to Barbara Gordon] - 6:17 pm_ **

_ Zatanna Zatara has sent a picture _

**Barbara Gordon:** Can i guess how many times you retyped that text

**Zatanna Zatara:** No

**Barbara Gordon:** Was it four

_ read 6:18 pm  _

**Barbara Gordon:** It was four

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - SAT JAN 26, 6:19 am_ **

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** Good luck everyone at the meet today !!!

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** Are we still meeting for lunch after?

**dg:** can’t, i’ve got home stuff

**theflash:** i promised 2 eat w my fam, so nope for me

**z:** You can eat with Artemis and I, M’Gann

**Artemis:** Yeah we were going out anyway

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** Oh, thanks!!

 

**_[to Zatanna Zatara] - 6:23 am_ **

**Dick Grayson: (¬‿¬)**

**Zatanna Zatara:** What

**Dick Grayson:** u and artemis were uh, getting lunch, huh

**Dick Grayson: (¬‿¬)**

**Zatanna Zatara:** Shut up

**Zatanna Zatara:** We talked abt it, we’re friends

**Dick Grayson:** mmkay

**Dick Grayson:** (¬‿¬)

**Zatanna Zatara:** Wait why is that one different

**Dick Grayson:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Zatanna Zatara:** One of these days someone’s going to do their civic duty and take you out

**Dick Grayson:** and it’ll be the best night of their life

**Zatanna Zatara:** I meant in the assassin way

**Dick Grayson:** did i stutter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is based off of something that actually happened with a friend of mine so uh. Thank her for suffering through this absolutely hilarious start to her first bf so that you all can enjoy in fic format
> 
> Also!! Barbara is probably queer but I haven't decided how yet so uh. Comment suggestions below
> 
> And also in general kudos + comments = writer food


	2. February

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> panrodumbass: it’s okay though b i also have contingency plans
> 
> dumbassbiro has sent a picture
> 
> panrodumbass: jesus look at you two
> 
> panrodumbass: communicating effectively
> 
> panrodumbass: blegh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chap took so long. I am a slow writer to begin with, but I had some trouble with this one, and am still not totally happy with it. I hope y'all like it though!!

**thepowerfulz.zatara**

[Image description: two cups of frozen yogurt sit on opposite sides of a small round table. A dark tan hand holding a bright pink spoon is barely visible. The weather is obviously bright.]

_ thepowerfulz.zatara: froyo with my babe @archer.artemis on the only warm day we’ll see for the next two months _

_ 2.13.18, 4:15 pm _

 

_ Zatanna Zatara has created chat _

_ Zatanna Zatara has added Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon to chat _

_ Zatanna Zatara has named chat “Help Me, I’m Gay” _

**_Help Me, I’m Gay - WED FEB 20, 5:17 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** So uh fellas let’s take a vote

**Zatanna Zatara:** How many dates until it’s gay

_ Zatanna Zatara has changed name to dumbassbiro _

_ Dick Grayson has changed name to panrodumbass _

**panrodumbass:** solidarity

_ Barbara Gordon has changed name to babs _

**babs:** Wait, you’ve been on dates???

**babs:** How is that not automatically gay???

**panrodumbass:** babs they’re lesbians

**panrodumbass:** they could make out and still be afraid it’s not gay

**dumbassbiro:** Okay first of all you’re one to talk

**dumbassbiro:** Are u and Wally still calling it practice kissing?

**panrodumbass:** um oof

**panrodumbass:** you didn’t really have to come for me like that

**babs:** Wait dick what

**panrodumbass:** i think three dates is gay

**panrodumbass:** three is the magic number

**babs:** Dick you cannot change the subject

**panrodumbass:** are you calling them dates?

**babs:** Dick i am not letting this go

**babs:** But ye z are you calling them dates

**dumbassbiro:** No? We’re just like

**dumbassbiro:** Hanging out

**dumbassbiro:** Cuddling a lot

**babs:** How many times have you gone out?

**dumbassbiro:** We’ve had lunch after every meet so far

**panrodumbass:** so like basically every week

**dumbassbiro:** ,, yeah maybe

**babs:** Z a t a n n a

**dumbassbiro:** Yeah we uh just got back from having coffee after school

 

**_[to Zatanna Zatara] - 5:46 pm_ **

**Artemis Crock:** Hey are you busy right now?

**Zatanna Zatara:** Nah, I’m just working on an essay. What’s up?

**Artemis Crock:** Can I ask you a quick question?

 

**_Help Me, I’m Gay - 5:47 pm_ **

**dumbassbiro:** Um you guys get stressed

**panrodumbass:** wait what’s happening

 

**_[to Artemis Crock] - 5:50 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Yeah sure

 

**_Help Me, I’m Gay - 5:51 pm_ **

_ dumbassbiro has sent a picture _

**panrodumbass:** oh  _ yeet _ z

_ dumbassbiro has removed panrodumbass from the chat _

 

**_[to Zatanna Zatara] - 5:52 pm_ **

**Dick Grayson:** z add me back to the chat

**Zatanna Zatara:** No

**Dick Grayson:** why no

**Zatanna Zatara:** You have to learn that your actions have consequences

**Dick Grayson:** this is transphobia

**Zatanna Zatara:** Sucks

 

**_Help Me, I’m Gay - 5:51 pm_ **

**babs:** Has she texted you back yet???

**dumbassbiro:** No and I’m abt to explode

_ babs has added Dick Grayson to the chat _

_ Dick Grayson has changed name to panrodumbass _

**panrodumbass:** haha i’m back bitches

_ panrodumbass has sent a gif to the chat _

**dumbassbiro:** Babs u caved

**babs:** There are disadvantages to being friends with someone who has known you since birth

 

**_[to Zatanna Zatara] - 5:52 pm_ **

**Artemis Crock:** Would you feel weird if I said I was kind of flirting with you when we were first talking

 

**_Help Me, I’m Gay - 5:53 pm_ **

_ dumbassbiro has sent a picture _

**dumbassbiro:** Y a l l

**panrodumbass:** wtf !!!

**babs:** Oh my god!!!

**babs:** Z what are you going to do

**dumbassbiro:** I don’t know!!!

**panrodumbass:** what do you  _ mean _ you don’t know

**panrodumbass:** ask her out!!!

**dumbassbiro:** But I don’t want to date her rn!!

**babs:** Oh my god

**panrodumbass:** what do you mean you don’t want to date her??

**panrodumbass:** you were literally just telling us about your dates???

**dumbassbiro:** Yeah but that was before she told me that she’s flirted with me!!

**babs:** Okay well for one we all been knew

**dumbassbiro:** I didn’t !

**babs:** Yeah that’s because you’re ace

**panrodumbass:** babs you can’t just come for us like this

**panrodumbass:** z why don’t you want to date her?

**dumbassbiro:** Idk? I maybe want to date her but I mostly want to be friends and I defo can’t do a relationship atm

**dumbassbiro:** I’m still kind of dealing w all the stuff with my dad and idk I just like us a lot as friends rn?

**dumbassbiro:** Is that dumb?

**babs:** Oh z no it’s not

**babs:** You’re so valid

**panrodumbass:** a will understand and if she doesn’t we’ll kill her

**babs:** Yeah

**dumbassbiro:** I can’t leave her on read this long guys what do I say!!

**panrodumbass:** just tell her it’s chill, you were also kind of flirting, but that you aren’t really up to dating right now

**panrodumbass:** you don’t have to tell her anything about what’s up with your dad unless you want to

**dumbassbiro:** She knows some of it

**panrodumbass:** then there you go

**babs:** Yeah and if she’s not cool about it then we’ll murder her

**panrodumbass:** we won’t even get caught

**babs:** Is it weird that i already have a plan for how i’d kill any of my friend’s s/o’s in case they turn out to be assholes

**panrodumbass:** yes

**dumbassbiro:** Kind of yeah

 

**_[to Artemis Crock] - 5:55 pm_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Nope I wouldn’t feel weird

**Zatanna Zatara:** But so far I’ve really just wanted to be friends?

**Zatanna Zatara:** Sorry

**Artemis Crock:** No don’t feel bad! I agree

**Artemis Crock:** Like, I’m not going to lie, I do kind of want to date you

**Artemis Crock:** But I’ve also really liked being friends 

 

**_Help Me, I’m Gay - 5:56 pm_ **

**panrodumbass:** it’s okay though b i also have contingency plans

_ dumbassbiro has sent a picture _

**panrodumbass:** jesus look at you two

**panrodumbass:** communicating effectively

**panrodumbass:** blegh

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - SAT FEB 23, 8:31 am_ **

**z: @dg** stop breaking records

**z:** You’re like twelve it’s not fair

**Artemis:** Um? Excuse me?

**Artemis:** I seem to recall you breaking a record last week so

**Kaldur’ahm:** Indeed. This year’s team is incredibly talented.

**dg:** as opposed to last year’s team, when we were just a bunch of dumbasses

**theflash:** speak 4 urself

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** Everyone’s doing so good!! I’m sorry I’m kind of bringing up the rear :(

**theflash:** relax babe ur doing great

**theflash:** its got to be hard doing this + cheer

**dg:** yeah m’gann and this is also your first year so

**theflash:** yeah hes been doing shit like this his whole life

**Artemis:** You’ve been doing track your whole life?

**Artemis:** Pole vaulting around as a three year old?

**dg:** well

**dg:** similar things

 

**_[to Wally West] - 8:45 am_ **

**Dick Grayson:** dude

**Wally West:** yeah sry i wasn’t thinking abt it

 

**_Track & Field 2019 - 8:46 am_ **

**dg:** i did gymnastics a lot as a kid

**theflash:** hey who all is going 2 lunch after this

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** I am!! If I’m invited, that is

**theflash:** yeah babe of course the whole team is

**Kaldur’ahm:** In that case, I plan to attend.

**M’Gann M’Orzz:** Conner says he’ll come!!

**z:** I’ll be there

**Artemis:** Yeah same

**dg:** can’t, i’ve got family stuff

**Artemis:** Bro you always say you’ve got family stuff but the jury’s still out on if you even actually have a family

**dg:** wow lol

**dg:** sorry i have an event, gtg

 

**_[to Artemis Crock] - 9:18 am_ **

**Zatanna Zatara:** Hey

**Zatanna Zatara:** What you said earlier to Dick wasn’t cool

**Artemis Crock:** I know, I know

**Artemis Crock:** Believe me, I’ve already heard it all from Wally

**Artemis Crock:** It was just a joke

**Artemis Crock:** Dick didn’t even seem mad

**Zatanna Zatara:** I know, but 

**Zatanna Zatara:** I don’t even know exactly what his home life is like, but I know it’s been weird

**Zatanna Zatara:** So

**Artemis Crock:** I wasn’t trying to be mean

**Zatanna Zatara:** I know, but

**Zatanna Zatara:** I know you know what weird home lives are like

**Zatanna Zatara:** I’m not like. Trying to lecture you or anything, just

**Zatanna Zatara:** Shoot him a text or smth

**Artemis Crock:** Yeah

**Artemis Crock:** That’s fair

**Zatanna Zatara:** Okay, thank you

**Zatanna Zatara:** Do you want to come and hang out here tomorrow?

**Zatanna Zatara:** My nonna’s cooking so you know there’ll be plenty of food lol

**Artemis Crock:** Yeah

**Artemis Crock:** I’d love to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, kudos + comments keep me going!
> 
> (Also, how does everyone feel about the social media bit? Good, bad, keep, delete? Let me know!)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is based off of something that actually happened with a friend of mine so uh. Thank her for suffering through this absolutely hilarious start to her first bf so that you all can enjoy in fic format
> 
> Also!! Barbara is probably queer but I haven't decided how yet so uh. Comment suggestions below
> 
> And also in general kudos + comments = writer food


End file.
